Clash of the Fandoms
by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey
Summary: A fangirl is dragged into her fandoms, only to find that her heroes all want to kill her. *distant buzzing voices saying 'exterminate'* Will she escape? Will she stay true to her fandoms? Or will she... oh forget it. Fandoms include: LotR, Doctor Who, Thor/Avengers, Sherlock, PotC, and the Hobbit. Not your typical 'girl falls into middle earth/pirate ship/tardis' story.
1. there should be a category for fandom

_FIRST OFF: ;) Author's notes are my favourite. _

_Secondly, YES. I haven't written in like forever. You know. So so so sorry! NaNoWriMo is eating my soul. I have worked my fingers to the bone, and still am not even half way done. ARRG. So this story is special. I'm posting it even though I don't have time to. :) I'm just missing fan fiction, actually. But be prepared. I had this already written, I just planned to do a lot of editing and making it ten times more awesome, which I haven't because I've been busy; then I spontaneously decided to post it without editing, so it's not the best. I hope it's still good, though. I feel bad not posting for so long. Note: because I'm working on NaNo right now you may notice strange things (like me spelling OK Oh Kay, or altogether all together, or whatsoever what so ever; or me making chapter titles really long, or something. It's a NaNo thing. Non NaNoers may find it hard to understand). Forgive me; I get in habits. :P NaNo is seriously eating my soul. _

_Thirdly, This story is modelled off of a dream I had, so be prepared for oddity and randomness. Also, be forewarned that I've actually never seen any episodes of Sherlock or Doctor Who. Forgive me for any inaccuracies, please. You cannot know the pain, the agonizing, excruciating pain I suffer, being a fan of something I've never watched! :P Enjoy this story! :D_

_One more warning: This contains an OC. I normally don't do this, but it was kind of necessary for this story, so bear with me. Also, she is not meant to be like me. I'm not putting myself in a story. That's just creepy. She's just an OC. Just so you know that I'm not a total weirdo like she is. ;)_

**Prologue **

Geek. Nerd. Fangirl.

On Monday, our teacher asked us to write down the three words that best described us. These are the three words that came to my mind. Am I ashamed of them? Not at all. Even 'fangirl,' with its oodles of bad connotations, doesn't bother me.

Because if I'm a fangirl, then I'm the best fangirl there is.

So I wrote those three words down. Problem is, as soon as I did, my mind flew to my many fandoms, and I was lost in thought until Miss Raymond called me out for inattention.

When I got home from school, I did what I usually do: I ran up the stairs two at a time, flew into my room, dropped my backpack on the floor, plopped onto my bed, and opened my laptop with a grin of anticipation. This is what I lived for. I opened my 'To Do List'.

Pin that picture of Sherlock in the TARDIS on pinterest  
>Put my Aragorn drawing on DeviantArt<br>Answer fanfiction PMs and reviews  
>Complete my Thranduil vs. Will Turner fan fic<br>Take the 'Which Doctor's companion are you Most Like' quiz  
>Listen to the LotR musical and see if it's any good<br>Update poll: add Fandral to the choices  
>Like Robert Downey Jr. on Facebook<br>Watch 'Pippin Trolling' video on youtube  
>Watch 'Thor &amp; Loki; Anything you can do, I can do better!' video on youtube<br>Read Anna's 'Bilbo's Birthday Cake Catches On Fire!' fic

I sat back, wondering where to begin. My chat bar popped up.

Hi i just saw this thing on tumblr you gotta see it

That was my fellow geek, Anna White. We shared all our fandoms. Our biggest disagreement was over whether the tenth or eleventh Doctor was better.

hello Anna lemme see it

ok i just pinned it

I feverishly opened Pinterest. Or tried to. It wouldn't open. Suddenly my computer started talking. 'I hate it when it does this!' I yelled, trying to find which tab it was coming from.

'The great eye is ever watchful,' came a voice.

'Sam!' I yelled to my brother, who was playing with his Star Wars Legos in the next room, 'were you messing with my compy again?'

'No!' he called back.

'You are all going to die,' said the computer. Suddenly the screen went black.

'This is wacky,' I said, pushing every button in sight. Suddenly a red dot appeared on the screen. It got larger and larger, until I realized it was the eye of Sauron. I felt my hair blowing, even though the air in the room was still. 'This is so cool!' I said. 'It's like Narnia! Sam, come look!'

'No!' Sam called back. The laptop started smoking. I coughed.

'Oh no. Dad, something's up with my lapto-'  
>Suddenly the room went black. 'Sam! Why did you turn off the lights?'<br>Slowly a light began to grow again. And that's when I realized that I wasn't in my room anymore. I wasn't even in my world. I was in Middle Earth.


	2. does anyone even read chapter titles?

****Chapter 1. Aragorn & Legolas****

My first reaction was not to sit down and weep pathetically and attractively into the voluminous sleeves of the long dress I found myself in, nor was it to ask directions to the nearest Elf Prince I could latch myself onto. If I were going to sit down and weep, it would be over the fact that I had not brought a camera or any paper for signatures. But that wasn't going to disappoint me much. I would enjoy the moment.

'First things first,' I said, standing up. 'I must discover exactly where I am; then I can decide which spots it's most important that I visit.'

Now I am a Tolkein maniac. I not only know Sindarin and Quenya, but Black Speech and Khuzdul reside in my brain also. I have studied maps of Middle Earth until I know it as well as Gandalf himself, and I know everything about every character Tolkein has ever written, from mountains of facts about Frodo Baggins to snippets about all the insignificant, lesser important Elves in Rivendell. So it only took me a quick glance around to decide that I was in Fangorn Forest. However, the rest of my plan was discarded with the entrance of two attractive individuals.

'Oh. My. Goodness,' I said feelingly. Aragorn and Legolas were standing there, in person, before my very eyes!

I quickly collected myself and greeted them properly. 'Yo,' I said, holding up two fingers.

'What strange Rohanian custom is this?' asked Legolas curiously.

'This is no lady from Rohan,' said Aragorn.

'You're right there,' I said, 'and it's not Ro_han_, like _ham_, it's Ro_han, _like _Han Solo._'

'What strange head armour is this?' asked Aragorn, looking at my glasses. 'Are you some trickery of Saruman's?'

'Nope!' I said cheerfully. 'I'm just Kat Parker. Pleased to meet you!'

'My lady,' said Legolas, bowing politely. 'I am Legolas Thranduillion, and this is Ara-'

'I know who you are,' I said, waving my hand. 'Doesn't everybody? I mean, like, Aragorn's a king and everything-'

I was cut off by Aragorn jumping towards me and holding a knife to my throat.

'Are you thinking what I'm thinking? he asked Legolas.

'I think so,' said Legolas, readying an arrow. 'Tie her up.'

'I'm not an Orc!' I yelled. 'Spare me!'

But my pleas did nothing to stop the zealous duo, and soon I found myself in between the two hottest beings in Middle Earth, trussed like a turkey and blindfolded.

'She must go to Gondor,' said Aragorn to Legolas.

'Um, I know where that is,' I said. 'Just so you know. So, um, you don't really have to blindfold me.'

'Silence, you fell creature,' said Legolas, his voice full of loathing. But he took the blindfold off.

'I thought guys in Middle Earth were all tender and polite and stuff,' I grumbled. 'Humph.' Then a lightbulb blinked on in my head. 'Hey,' I said sympathetically, 'now I think I understand. But you guys are worrying about nothing. I'm not a Mary Sue.'

Legolas made a strange noise and grasped at his throat. Then he walked a ways away, breathing heavily.

'Don't mention those in front of him!' Aragorn reprimanded. 'We know you're not a Mary Sue. But you are something almost as bad: a fangirl.'

'Wha?' I said.

'Fangirls are very dangerous when accidentally dropped into their fandoms. They know too much about the future in that world. If fangirls get into the wrong hands, the whole fandom could be destroyed!'

'How do you mean?' I asked.

'For example,' Aragorn explained, 'if Saruman got ahold of you and extricated futuristic information from you, he could use that information in his plans for world domination, and might actually succeed.'

'I see,' I said. But I didn't.

'So now we must imprison you until we are able to exterminate or eliminate you.'

'Well that seems kind of harsh,' I protested.

'You must realize the danger Arda is in with your presence,' argued Aragorn. 'Imagine if you had someone in your world popping in and out and knowing the future- he could wreck everything!'

'Actually we do have someone like that… he's called the Doctor.'

'Hello! Did I hear my name?' said a familiar voice.

Vworp vworp


	3. i don't necessarily like 11 more than 10

**Chapter 2. The Doctor**

_I issue the warning once more: I hadn't seen any Doctor Who when I dreamed and wrote this. I have seen some now, but none of the Eleventh Doctor episodes, so inaccuracies may remain. _

A blue Police Call Box appeared, and the door opened. The Doctor stuck his head out.

'Did you miss me?' he said.

I made a very strange, fangirly sound; rather like a strangled squeal. I didn't mean to. #fangirl problems* 'It makes vworping noises and everything!' I said, struggling in my bonds.

'It's called the Tardis,' said the Doctor.

'Who are you?' asked Aragorn.

'I'm the Doctor,' said he. 'And I need this person. I'm doing an experiment on interfandom travel's effect on timey-wimey stuff, and I need to use her.'

'You're what?' I said.

'So if you'll excuse us,' continued the Doctor, pulling me inside and slamming the door.

'Legolas! Shoot him down!' I heard Aragorn shout outside, but the sound faded.

The Doctor untied me.

'Wow!' I said. 'This is so cool!'

'It's bigger on the inside,' said the Time Lord.

'I'll need to tweak my room a bit after this. It's decorated like the Tardis,' I explained. 'Ooh, looky! What does this do?'

'Don't touch that. Let me look at you.'

'Uh, OK,' I said uncomfortably, balancing on the sides of my feet.

'Hm, it could have been better,' he said. 'For some reason it missed your head.'

'What are you talking about?'

'My experiment. I teleported you to Middle Earth,' he said. 'You were supposed to arrive dressed like the natives, and it worked pretty well, but it would have been better if it had removed the glasses and the beanie.'

'Nooo! Don't take the beanie!' I said, holding it on. 'Wait, why did you do all this again?'

'I'm researching!' said the Time Lord. 'I want to see what effect people who know the future will have on the past.'

'Aragorn said it would be catastrophic,' I said, shrugging. 'Hey, do you happen to have a piece of paper?'

'Yes, psychic stuff. Why?'

'Because I want a note from you telling Anna White that Matt Smith is cooler than David Tennant.'

'Why?'

'Because. Just do it.'

'Here you are.'

'Thanks. Why are we landing?'

'Because I need to drop you off,' he said carelessly.

'Hey, no, wait!'

'There are lots of people looking for you. I'm sure Aragorn has notified all fandom police of the rogue fangirl by now. They'll be searching for you and me all over the place. It's best if we split up.'

'So you get me into this mess, and now you're going to strand me, who knows when, who knows where?'

'Yes, I do!' he said, smiling. 'Don't worry,' he added, shoving me out the door. 'It's best if they catch you. They might be able to get you back.'

'Wait, you mean you can't?'

'I could, but I want to see what happens,' said he, and the Tardis began to fade.

'Well that stinks,' I said, staring at the place where it used to be.

'I have found her,' said a familiar voice.

*I actually did that when the Tenth Doctor said that... I was quite embarrassed, because I was watching it with several other people. It's sad how much of a fangirl I'm turning into. *sigh*

* * *

><p><em>Note: Ok, so I have nothing against the Doctor. I love him. That's just what he always does when I dream about him: he always kicks me out of the Tardis. I guess I'm an annoying person... <em>

_Btw, this shows that I will never desert a story totally! I know I've been quite a while updating it, but I lost the notebook it was in. O.o! I updated the moment I found it again. :)_

_Also almost forgot: I'm putting on a contest! Go see my profile for more info. Please participate! Now review and keep an eye on this story. More will come soon. _


	4. i obviously like long chapter titles

**Chapter 3. Thor & Loki**

_Didn't see that coming, did you? _

I turned around and gasped in delight. There stood my favorite Avenger: Thor, son of Odin, in full armor, his red cape flapping in the wind.

'Hi,' I said, waiving.

'Come with me, mortal,' he said without further ado. 'I must take you to my father.'

'Jane's not going to be happy,' I reminded him. He looked confused.

'Why? Are you a friend of hers?' He snapped a pair of handcuffs on my wrists.

'Hey, wait, no!' I protested.

'We must find a way to exterminate you,' he said consolingly. 'Otherwise our whole world is in danger.'

'Well this is great,' I said angrily. 'The hero of my childhood finally is before me, and what does he want to do? Kill me! That's just dandy.'

Thor looked startled. 'Loki! Why did you trick me into thinking I had found her? It pleases you to waste my time, doesn't it?'

'Loki? Where?' I asked, looking excitedly around. Then I realized. 'Oh, yeah. I'm Loki. That's right!' I said hurriedly. 'What is going on?' I thought.

'Why do you waste my time like this, brother?' Thor asked irritably, and flew off.

'Um,' I said, after waiting a moment in which nothing happened, 'it would be nice if you could show yourself now, and turn me back into my original form. I miss my beanie...'

'Very well,' said Loki behind me, scaring me half to death. But I was myself again.

'Dude,' I said, 'you know, you're being really OOC. I mean, you're supposed to be a bad guy.'

'Anti-hero,' he corrected. 'I will never understand mortals,' he sniffed. 'Do you think I'm not being evil right now?'

'Uh,' I said.

'Wrong!' he said, smiling evilly. 'I suppose you haven't guessed my true motives in helping you escape Thor. I did it because I'm going to take you to father! Then I will get all of the glory!'

'Oh, you poor thing!' I said, sniffling. 'Your whole life you've just been trying to be appreciated. It's... so... tragic!'

'Stop crying, puny mortal,' he said condescendingly. 'Let's go.'

'Not so fast,' said a familiar voice.

_Thank you so much all reviewers! You are amazing! Hint for next time: 'Boring'_


	5. sherlockian without having seen it :'(

**Chapter 4. Sherlock & John**

_I couldn't wait to publish the next chapter! I had too many announcements, which you will find at the end of the chapter. Please read them. :)_

'Sherlock!' I yelled, in my best British accent. 'Oh, um, sorry. Just quoting a T.V. show.' I pretended I wasn't there.

Now when one is in the presence of both Loki and Sherlock, especially when the two are angry at each other, it can be very scary. Even one at a time they make you feel inferior and unintelligent. Together they were infinitely worse. I didn't have to pretend I wasn't there, 'cause they just ignored me.

'Now I know,' I though philosophically, 'why there's no T.V. show about Benedict Cumberbatch _and _Tom Hiddleston, like all the fangirls want.'

'Why have you interrupted me, puny mortal?' said Loki.

'You know why, idiot,' said Sherlock.

'You can't have her,' said Loki condescendingly. 'I still need her.'

'This is all very nice,' I said, 'but can you all just get to the fighting?'

Just then Loki went shooting off into the distance. 'Oops, did I say something wrong?' I asked.

'I think his brother just found him,' Sherlock said shortly. 'They'll keep each other busy for a while. Follow me.'

Of course I did. Who wouldn't? Sherlock is Sherlock, I think we all agree.

I squealed. 'I'm actually going inside 221b Baker St.! This is unbelievable!'

'John!' yelled my host, opening the door and going in. I followed.

John Watson appeared, and said in a friendly manner, 'Hello!' Then he turned to Sherlock. 'You know we can't keep her here, don't you?'

'Why not?'

'The whole of the fandom police force is looking for her.'

'Shut up.'

'Why exactly did you bring me here?' I asked.

'I'm going to send you back to where you came from.' He might as well have added, 'Now shut up,' for the way he said it. But I didn't mind.

'Can I see your skull?'

John looked disturbed.

'No,' said Sherlock.

'You know,' I rambled, 'it's really good you're not real, because, like, if any of your fangirls actually met you, they'd be all like heartbroken because you're so mean. It would be traumatizing, lol.' I facepalmed. 'Did I just say lol out loud?'

Sherlock looked at me with loathing; Watson looked at me with pitying discomfiture.

'Oh, look, a snake,' I said, to change the subject.

'That's my pet,' said John proudly.

'Oh, how nice! Can I feed it?'

'There's a bag in the refrigerator labelled "Little Johnny's Food",' said John.

'Yay!' I said, ran to the refrigerator, opened it, and screamed.

John looked apologetic. 'Oh, sorry. Here, Ill turn it around so you only have to see the back of it.'

'Don't tell me it's like this in the next episode,' I moaned. 'I've only seen the first two episodes.'

'I'm sorry,' said John again. He went back into the other room and I could hear the rather loud discussion he had with Sherlock. 'Sherlock! I told you to take the head out before she got here!'

'I forgot.'

'Forgot? She's probably traumatized for life!'

'Good.'

'Sherlock!'

I, having recovered sufficiently from my fright and horror, decided that I needed to leave.

'I'm leaving, right now,' I said to no one in particular. I marched to the door and went out, slamming it behind me, and was rather annoyed that they didn't even notice.

'Avast!' said a familiar voice, and it started to rain.

* * *

><p><em>I have no idea whether John Watson ever did, does, or will have a pet snake. It was in my dream.<em>

_The announcements: I have a contest going on for humorous fan fics. Go to my profile and there'll be a link to the forum. Also I and some other friends are trying to bring Erestor back. There is also a link to that forumm at the bottom of my profile, as well. _

_Please review! And tell me which person you think the next one will be..._


	6. aren't you glad elizabeth isn't in this

**Chapter 5. Will Turner**

_Congrats to those who guessed! ;) _

'Hi. Where's Jack?' I asked. I had ceased to be surprised by these sudden appearances.

'He has run off, and I can't find him' said Will. 'I fear he has gone off to be in a film without me.'

'Oh, I'm sorry,' I said wearily. 'So where are we going?'

'To the ship!' he said, and ran down the street. I followed resignedly.

_Several minutes later... _

'Hey, you know, it's started to rain, pretty hard,' I commented. I had to yell over the noise of the waves.

'We're coming into a bad storm,' agreed Will. 'Perhaps we should turn aroun-'

There was a splintering crash, and the boat fell apart. 'Noooooooo!' I screamed dramatically, grabbing a convenient mast.

'Hold on!' yelled Will. 'I'll save you!'

We both crashed into the sea, and were torn away from the ship. We began to be washed apart.

'Hey, wait up!' I yelled. A huge wave crashed between us.

After a long while of drifting I washed up on a rocky beach. I lay there panting.

'Ah!' cried a familiar voice. 'Why is a mortal cluttering up the place where I meant to walk?'

* * *

><p><em>Apologies for the brevity of this chapter. PotC isn't in my fandom favourites, and I'm by no means an expert on it. Though when I wrote that line about Jack going to make a movie without Will... little did I know that he had... <em>

_Please review! We're approaching the end. Bear with me for two more chapters. :) ...who do you think is coming next? _


	7. the end the end the end almost

**Chapter 6. Thranduil Elven-King**

_Yay! The Clash of the Fandoms is almost over! :) _

'It's Lee Pace!' I gasped. 'You're so hot!'

'What are you talking about?' asked Thranduil, frowning.

'Uh, nothing. Hey, where are we? We must be somewhere in Middle Earth, but why would you be on a beach? You live in Mirkwood.'

Thranduil squeaked and hid behind a convenient Elven bodyguard. 'Eek! A fangirl!'

'Not this again,' I sighed.

'We must eliminate her, of course,' said Thranduil evilly.

'I'll contact the fandom police immediately,' said the bodyguard.

'What are you going to do with me?' I asked experimentally.

'We will turn you over to the police and let them decide,' said Thranduil, cool, collected, and regal once more.

'Oh, great. Is that them?' I asked, pointing to a group of soldiers approaching.

'Some of them. There's a squad for each fandom.'

'Cool. Hey, guys!'

'We have come to send you back,' said the leader.

'Oh yay. So I don't have to die. What do I do, spin around, click my heels, and make a wish?'

'No, we're going to kill you.'

'Seriously?'

Of course I ran. But I'm not very fast, and besides, there were fandom police: specially trained for catching fangirls of all kinds. There was an explosion. The last thing I remember was Thranduil's scream. I guess my death was a little gory.

'Were did Darth Maul go?' said a familiar voice.

* * *

><p><em>So there are two problems: 1. I still don't know why Thranduil was on the beach, and 2. this is the last chapter! :O What's-her-name (I can't remember it now) has gotten back to earth. No, I don't have a chapter of the Star Wars fandom... not sure why not, it could have been awesome. Anyway, this is it. Over. Fine. <em>

_Except we do have an Epilogue. _

_Stay tuned! :)_


	8. the end the end the end for real

**Epilogue**

_Yay! The Clash of the Fandoms_Ⓡ_ is almost over! :)_

It was Sam, of course, who apparently had lost one of his Legos.

'Aaah!' I screamed. It's rather disconcerting to suddenly get swept back to Real Life™ when you thought you had died.

'What, you fangirling again?' asked my brother, rolling his eyes.

'Uh,' I said, hitting myself to make sure I had all my nerves still. 'Yeah. Just fangirling again.'

The next day, needless to say I had much to talk about with Anna. She would have never believed me except for the one thing that I brought back with me.

'See, look!' I said, relieved that it was still in my pocket. I held up the paper I'd asked the Doctor to sign.

'What's this?' she asked, taking it and reading it. ''The Doctor just gets better and better." What does that mean?'

I took it from her and read it. Then I laughed. 'How did he know that's what I meant?' I asked. 'Well, that's your proof. The Doctor wrote that.'

She still didn't believe it until we had compared the handwriting, and even now she's still skeptical.

I think the biggest thing to make her believe me is the fact that I don't have fandoms anymore. I'm rather disillusioned with them, really; all my favourite characters becoming villains and everything. I have more time for Real Life™ now, but I've realized something terrible:

Real Life™ isn't worth it without fandoms.

*goes and commits suicide*

* * *

><p><em>Whoops... wasn't planning to end it like that... O.o Well, guys, there's the moral of the story: Stick to your fandoms! ;D <em>

_Note: I found out why Thranduil was on the beach. He was getting fashion photos taken. :P True story! _

_One. More. Thing. . ._

_therewillbealuckybonuschapterfornoreason_

_Author out__


	9. this time it really is the end

**Bonus Behind-the-Scenes**

Odin: What? My son's so lame! *buries face in hands* Why could he not destroy that fangirl?

Loki: I would have done it, father! For you, for all of us! :'(

Odin: Idiot get out of here

Loki: :( D: D': T_T Waaaaaa

* * *

><p>Sherlock: John!<p>

John: What?

Sherlock: You let her go! IDIOT!

* * *

><p>The Doctor: *thinks to himself* That was a lucky escape. I need to be more careful with my experiments. *Tardis disappears in the distance*<p>

* * *

><p>Aragorn: Legolas, why can't you even hit anything?!<p>

Legolas: I resent that! I'm the best shot since Annie Oakley!

Aragorn: You couldn't hit the Orc, you couldn't hit the blue box...

Legolas: Stop! I'm not listening! I won't feel guilty again! *covers ears*

* * *

><p>Will: Stupid author almost left me out of the story -_-<p>

Jack: Hey I just made a movie without you

Will: ...

*PIRATE BATTLE*

* * *

><p>Thranduil: *complacent* I'm awesome. Like, I'm the hero of this story. Oh yeah.<p>

* * *

><p>Ghost Kat Parker: Anna White hacked my computer and changed desktop background to a collage of Aragorn, Legolas, the Doctor, Thor, Loki, Sherlock, John, Will, and Thranduil all glaring at me. -_-<p>

* * *

><p>FINALLY THE OFFICIAL END<p>

I PROMISE

:D


End file.
